If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
