My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
