Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
