In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize