I cockslap morals
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
