Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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