Got a toothbrush?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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