as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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