Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Everclear isn't food dammit
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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