I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
