Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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