i was born a porn star she said
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
