Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
not ubering you a puppy
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
