Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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