Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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