Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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