You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
