We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
