I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
