But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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