Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
