Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Even my vagina gasped.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
