I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
