cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
