she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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