you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
