She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
