I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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