i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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