At least make sure they are 18
Why
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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