I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
