I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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