Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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