So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
