shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
