Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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