feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
