I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
