I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
