absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
