Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize