I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize