Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
