Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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