i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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