So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
