When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
