Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
