Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
