I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
