maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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