I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
