i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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