checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
