I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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