The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize