i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
