I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we made out on top of his cat.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
