I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
