Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You have to summon your inner elephant
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
