someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
