He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
