i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
