The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
