Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
