I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
