I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
