I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
