You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
