I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
