Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
