Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
