glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
