You smell like a Billy Joel song
it was like eating out sand paper
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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