This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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