butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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